dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
