He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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