My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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