hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
