he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
