It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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