3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
