Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
