it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
