Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
