I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
