why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
