I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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