I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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