How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She announced her abortion via fbk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
