when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
