Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
