I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Need sex. Gaining weight.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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