if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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