Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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