what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
