It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ok first of all what the fuck
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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