What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
