what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
