the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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