wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
