if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
