i will never coherently bang her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
