mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
