trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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