I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
