I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
