Betty ford says i'm here all night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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