i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
