flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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