I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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