You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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