It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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