Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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