if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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