I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
