If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
