you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
