You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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