I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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