I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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