took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
