I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
