The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
