1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
