Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
