why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
