You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
