Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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